The financial professional’s expanding role in caregiving conversations

More than 63 million American adults — almost a quarter of the adult population — now serve as family caregivers, according to AARP's 2025 Caregiving in the U.S. report.¹ Nearly a third of them are also raising children under 18 at home.¹ For financial professionals, that means a growing share of clients aren't just planning for retirement — they're juggling a job, a household and a parent's care all at once, with little bandwidth left for their own.

This is the sandwich generation — no longer niche, but mainstream. Dr. Sonya Lutter, licensed marriage and family therapist, Certified Financial Planner^® and a leading voice on the psychology of financial behavior,, maintains that how clients experience caregiving stress directly shapes their ability to make sound financial decisions.

Why some client conversations stall before they start

Financial professionals are trained to lead with facts. But Dr. Lutter's research points to a problem no spreadsheet or chart can fix. Stress is a neurological response that narrows thinking and blocks action. A highly stressed brain struggles to process new information or weigh the future, no matter how clearly the numbers are laid out.

Money consistently tops the American Psychological Association's list of principal stressors, and caregiving can compound financial stress. Add a parent's medical appointments, children's schedules, or a job and your caregiving clients may arrive at review meetings already in “fight or flight.” One easy way to pick up on their stress level, Lutter says, is skin temperature. Cold hands, meaning blood has shifted away from the extremities to prepare for a threat that may not be there, is one indication.

During discussions, it may seem a client in “fight or flight” is resisting your recommendation. In reality, elevated stress often means that client can't hear you at all. Your words may be perceived, but not comprehended. According to Lutter, the ability to focus on financial decisions won't ease until that client’s biggest stressor — juggling multiple priorities while caring for an aging parent — gets some acknowledgment.

The financial professional's role is expanding

Clients increasingly look to their financial professional for more than portfolio management, including help navigating family challenges such as caring for an aging relative. Nationally, 74% of people who work with a financial professional rely on that person for guidance when making financial decisions.² That trust can help financial professionals recognize when clients are feeling overwhelmed and start conversations about how caregiving may affect their finances. While providing mental health care is outside of their role, they can help clients understand their financial options and connect them with additional support when needed.

“The good news,” Lutter says, “is you don't have to be a therapist to talk therapeutically with clients.” The goal isn't to solve a client's emotional problem. The goal is to create enough calmness and structure that helps overly stressed clients re-engage with their own decisions. Asked how financial professionals could handle emotionally loaded conversations, Lutter replied: “Just showing up in a thoughtful, caring way is enough. Open up the space, listen, ask questions when appropriate, hand over the tissues, etc.”

Memory lapses, difficulty driving, protecting a parent's finances or admitting to cognitive decline are exactly the kind of conversations where giving a stressed client the space to be heard can matter most.

Another suggestion for financial professionals: encourage families to have the “tough” conversations about caregiving, finances and end-of-life concerns early. When asked what families wish they would have talked about sooner, Lutter answered immediately — end-of-life decisions. “It's hard. It creates a lot of emotional reactions to have those really difficult conversations, and if we wait until it's imminent, it makes it way harder,” she said.

Independent research supports her perspective. Only 17% of adult children have had a truly thorough talk with their parents about future care needs, even though close to half of all adults expect to care for their parents at some point.¹

6 steps to help overly stressed sandwich generation clients

Lutter's framework offers six concrete starting points, including three signs of caregiver stress, financial professionals can use to help their emotionally over-extended sandwich generation clients:

1. Watch for physical signs of caregiver stress, not just resistance

Fidgeting, a shift in vocal pitch, or a client who seems not to hear you can signal stress rather than pushback. “That’s a big difference,” Lutter notes, “calling for less persuasion, more pause.”

2. Map the client's support system

A genogram is a simple map of a client's support system and the money messages embedded in it.

About 30% of people lean on family and friends for help making financial decisions.² Mapping their support network is planning data, not just context. Creating a genogram with your client names the people, and sometimes organizations like a church, that should be part of caregiving conversations. A genogram can also provide insight into how much weight family opinions carry.

3. Match communication to readiness

When it comes to having difficult family conversations, not every client is ready to act. Some will deny action even needs to be taken. That’s precontemplation. Other clients weigh pros and cons (contemplation), and some will be ready to act (preparation). Keep in mind what Lutter says about client readiness. Only about 20% of clients are in the action stage at any time,² and pushing checklists on someone who isn't there yet just further stalls conversations and potentially decisions.

4. Break big decisions into small ones

Instead of treating retirement planning as one overwhelming project, find the smallest next step an overwhelmed client can take this week. Lutter calls that strategy a “two-degree opportunity.” For example, instead of saying to a client who’s concerned about being behind saving for retirement, “We need to make catch-up contributions,” try “Let's identify who to contact in HR to increase your contribution.” For a client stretched between a job, kids and a parent's care, that might simply mean finding 15 minutes this week for one phone call. Change happens incrementally.

5. Stay calm and curious

A financial professional's own emotional state is contagious. If you're more stressed than normal, your client may match your energy. Your presence, optimism and framing can help shift the trajectory of a hard conversation. If you’re calm, clients may likely also feel calm.

6. Address the financial uncertainty directly

Caregiving carries real financial stakes. For example, care costs can interrupt a caregiver’s own retirement timeline. Where appropriate, annuities can offer a guaranteed income foundation that helps remove one variable from an overwhelming equation, helping protect savings for both generations.

Consider holistic wellness, not scope creep

None of Lutter’s insights ask financial professionals to abandon what they are best at. She only suggests financial professionals widen the lens through which their insights are delivered.

Clients aren't only asking, “can I afford this?” They're also asking, “How do I even start this conversation with my mom without it turning into a fight?” and “How do I know when it's time to step in?” Financial professionals who hold space for retirement planning and what’s happening in a client’s life, without answering the second as a clinician, could become something more valuable than a portfolio manager. They can become a trusted guide through one of the hardest transitions families face.

Part of balancing retirement planning with life events means knowing where the boundaries are. Lutter suggests financial professionals build a referral relationship with a family therapist, social worker or elder-care specialist before one is needed. If they are needed at some point, there are already resources to point a client toward if a conversation moves past what financial professionals are equipped to handle.

What to do when an elderly parent can’t take care of themselves

With an ever-growing aging population, the sandwich generation stands to grow as well. It’s likely you will run into at least one overly stressed client caring for one or both elderly parents. Dr. Lutter's framework is a useful one for financial professionals to have close if that happens:

What to tell “sandwiched” clients

For clients trying to hold together a job, a household and a parent's care all at once, shifting from having transactional conversations to offering systemic support could be the most valuable thing you could offer. For example, try sharing tips to help them manage financial stress to help your “sandwiched” clients make their money stretch across multiple financial obligations.

Difficult family conversations often surface financial concerns clients haven't addressed. Helping clients navigate these moments with empathy and support may strengthen your relationships and create space to keep their retirement as a priority.

Explore how annuities could help support your “sandwiched” clients' retirement plans  

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